In Gods Timing
“In the end, you can’t really force someone to do anything, even if it’s for their good.
You can’t force someone to respect your feelings or care about your passions or believe your dreams. You can’t force someone to believe your side of the story, even when you’re right. You can’t force an apology. You can’t force someone to engage in social justice or fight for the poor or to become nuanced in culture and history. You can’t force growth. You can’t force someone to show up on time, or even show up at all.
In the end, I’ve learned that people will do whatever they want, even if that means stepping on you or neglecting you or abandoning you or belittling you or choosing others over you. I’ve probably done this as much as it’s been done to me. It’s a terrible cycle that leaves us bitter, suspicious, paranoid, and completely jaded.
I’ve also learned that I don’t care if you don’t care. I have to love anyway. I have to be patient anyway. I have to be jaded to being jaded. Because I don’t want to perpetuate someone else’s cycle of apathy and neglect. I don’t want to be one more rung in the ladder of indifference. I don’t want to be a reactionary pawn.
No, I cannot force anything on you, and I won’t. I can only pour out what I have. Even if you don’t care. Especially if you don’t care. I’ll pour out anyway.”
This really resonated with me for the simple fact that I have been battling the spirit of apathy and indifference towards my father in his inability to reconcile his relationships with my siblings. I’ve had countless arguments trying to repair the inner workings of my family and it isn’t until now that I’ve realized that I am not God and I don’t command the growth of others or the actions of others no matter how intellectual or anointed I think I am. I realized how hypocritical the notion of “why can’t you reconcile faster” is when God could be asking me the same thing. Patience and love have to be my weapons in this battle.
– Gary White